He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
