drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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