stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
