what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
