I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
