yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Don't make out with my wife yet
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
