my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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