If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
