things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
