I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
