U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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