i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
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We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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