I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
