Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
