my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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