are you so shy because you have an std?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
