So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
