Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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