Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Randomize