Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize