wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
