She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
