508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just pynch a tree in the face
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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