she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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