why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
