I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
