So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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