My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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