so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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