I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
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