My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
