Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
