How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
id be glad to
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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