6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
My vagina just recognized that song.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
