He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize