3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
