I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
