ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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