the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
