I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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