So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
