Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
