She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
