just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
