so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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