I hate your face
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
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