On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
