I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize