the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
