Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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