Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
is wine microwaveable?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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