I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize