I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
