omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
