He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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