Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
