Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
