Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
