Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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