Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She's the barista slut.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
