We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
