I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize