i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
