the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
