every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
