Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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