I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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