Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
