Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
