For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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