You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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