I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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