she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
