dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
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