I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Never joke about your clitoris.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
